You’re going to quit your job within 6 months whether or not you have another job. Oh god, quit your job! Quit your job now! I need an independent perspective on all of this, because mine is totally screwed. Ultimately I am struggling with the question of whether I should just quit a job that I feel is slowly making me insane, or whether I am being a weak sooky-la-la who should just pull my head out of my arse and get on with it. I know that I should get another job now while I am still employed, but every time I start browsing job websites I start to feel despondent that there is nothing out there and then I get stuck in this state of inertia between desperately wanting to leave and feeling trapped where I am. Also that if I find another job – particularly another legal job – that it will be no better, and mostly that I am just taking the easy way out and being weak and self-indulgent when people put up with bad jobs and worse all the time.
I want to quit, but I am afraid that I will not be able to find another job and I will be placing undue pressure on my husband to support me (even though he has said he will) both financially and emotionally, when he needs the same from me.
Days gone just doing my job professional#
I have two former employees of the firm who have agreed to act as my referee for now, but given the length of my employment and that I have gained almost all my professional experience here, the lack of a reference from the boss is probably going to raise questions given his past behaviour towards employees who have left I am afraid that he will make things difficult for me.
Professionally he is generally comptetent and fair and our relationship is adequate. I have had bad times before, but stuck with it because I wanted to finish my degree and get qualified.Īs legal jobs go, superficially mine is pretty good – I’m not expected to work long hours, my boss is not a psychopath, slave-driver or bully (mostly): from all I have heard, that is pretty good in this industry! While he has been supportive of me in the past when I have made mistakes or exposed my issues with depression & anxiety, I also know he has a vindictive streak and is prone to gaslighting. I fantasise, frequently, about suffering a heart attack or stroke or getting seriously ill just so that I have a “legitimate” reason to quit my job. I am continually breaking down in tears and feel unable to think clearly or function properly. I am terrified that eventually I will make a mistake that will get me struck off, or worse. I have made a few serious mistakes, both recently and about a year ago. We have no debt, no mortgage and no kids.Įmotionally, I have had a terrible couple of months at work. My husband has a good albeit stressful job and earns more than me, but works in an area whose future is uncertain in the current economic climate. I am highly introverted, conflict-avoidant, tend to have low self-esteem and generally lack confidence and assertiveness, none of which helps when trying to manage clients, other lawyers and colleagues. While I am relatively comfortable with the intellectual aspects of the job (though I am increasingly beginning to doubt my abilities in this area), I struggle with the interpersonal aspects. I have always harboured doubts about whether I was cut out to be a lawyer. I’ve been practising for just over a year now, after completing my degree and practical training part-time whilst working for my current firm as a secretary and paralegal for the past six years.
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